so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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