you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
