he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she looked like the before picture.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
