mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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