Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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