You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
