Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
