The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
