Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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