after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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