Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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