The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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