i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
