butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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