We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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