Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize