If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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