i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
