Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
