Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
