I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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