Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
