once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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