what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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