Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
