i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
