College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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