i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
