so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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