and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
