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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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