Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
