It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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