Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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