yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
