Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
