He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
