My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i will never coherently bang her
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
