..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
