Do you still have your period?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
