Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
