im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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