a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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