the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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