I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
