one two three fourrrrnication!
the day after is always just damage control
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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