I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
