my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
