If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
