A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
