i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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