do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We are all done wearing pants today
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
