I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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