He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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