yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
