And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
