your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
