I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
