Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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