I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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