Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
